Subconscious Thinking

I've mentioned before how the insulin gives me weird dreams almost every night. Well, now things are getting a little meta for me because I've been dreaming about my insulin!

I've had a few dreams where I've taken my blood sugar or have felt a "low" while performing some task. But last night, I actually dreamed about giving myself the insulin shot. It would've been even more bizarre had my dream insulin given me a weird dream WITHIN my weird dream ... sort of like the Inception of diabetes management!

I guess my diabetes is on my mind a lot, as it should be. That's what is keeping me healthy, that I'm trying to be mindful and responsible. And I have been thinking about the insulin because I might be going off of it in a few weeks. I see my doctor in early October and if my numbers hold up, she'll start me on my way to being insulin-free.

Truthfully, I have mixed feelings about this. Obviously, it would be great if my body can function sans insulin shots and I can stay healthy by eating well and exercising. But I'm nervous that going off the insulin will cause a setback. I don't want to feel sick and run down again, or thirsty, or experince blurry vision. I like feeling energized and happy. I've been taking care of myself, but the insulin is my lifeline. It's what kept me from having to be hospitalized back in August.

I guess if my numbers don't stay in a good place, I can always go back on insulin. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, not if it helps me sustain my health. I guess I should discuss these fears with my doctor.

Meantime, I'll continue to exercise, eat well and watch myself ... and if that includes minding my health in my dreams, so be it.

Holding Steady And Trippin' Out

My blood sugar seems to finally be stabilizing. During my first week on insulin, my sugar would sometimes fluctuate from 400 to 200 and back again. Now, however, it's hovering around the low 100s with occasional dips into the 90s and even 80s. A friend and I went for a walk tonight after dinner and my blood sugar managed to stay the same, even after the exercise. It was nice to be able to get a little workout in and not feel that "low" afterward, as I did when I went swimming this past weekend.

My vision is also starting to improve. I'm seeing an eye specialist on Friday and it'll be funny if I can once again see perfectly well by then. Still, I know that it's important to get my vision checked, anyway. Honestly, out of all the things that could go wrong from diabetes, losing my sight freaks me out the most. I'm a very visual person, who also happens to be a writer and jewelry maker. I can deal with having to wear glasses, but I am frightened that I'll eventually go blind. That said, I plan to see the eye doctor every few months.

Meanwhile, I've been having a lot of weird "visions" at night. Since I've been taking insulin, I've had some very odd, vivid dreams that feature bright colors. In one, my parents were hosting a huge dinner party for The Beatles and I was hoping that I'd get to play my flute with them. In another, my sister-in-law and her husband took me out to dinner, then abandoned me so that they could sit in the "all naked" section. Then last night, I dreamed that we were visiting a haunted ruin that housed rabid cats. I've never done drugs, but I imagine that this is what it feels like to drop acid.

I wondered if I'm the only diabetic who's experienced this so I did a search and it turns out that insulin dreams are fairly common. I can't say I mind. I love dreams and even kept a dream diary for a while; it's kind of like getting to see a surprise movie in your sleep. So this is a side effect that I welcome -- The Beatles can visit me anytime!

Some may read this blog and get the impression that I think my diabetes is a joke since I make fun of it so much. I really don't think that. However, I do have to maintain my sense of humor as I deal with this. Besides, laughing lowers blood sugar, so it's all good.